Id like to share something quite personal, something I have only shared with those close
st to me. Many may conclude that I am like every other girl that is overjoyed for marrying the m
an I have loved for a very long time. They aren’t wrong but behind all the laughter and smiles, t
here’s a heartbreaking truth.
I lost my father at a young age and I’ve grown up not knowing how it was to have a stro
ng and caring male figure in my life. While I dated my husband, he told me that his father would
not like me because of my skin colour. I thought to myself how ridiculous and demeaning that
was, I brushed it off and decided it was not going to stop me from loving my husband. On the ot
her hand, his mother was the sweetest woman I have ever met. She supported our love and lov
ed me as her own daughter, which I will never forget.
When the time came to meet his father, he didn’t seem pleased as his face filled with di
sgust as if I was not worthy to be with his son. I honestly did not think much of it and continued
to be myself with the support of my beautiful mother in law. The next day after meeting his par
ents, my father in law called my husband and refused our relationship. He said I was ugly and d
ark almost resembling the likeliness of a monkey. My father in law began calling everyone he kn
ew, spreading the news that his son was with someone physically unattractive. Once I came to
hear about the news, I tried to stay strong and went on with my life. My husband and I continue
d to date without his father’s consent.
Few years later my husband joined the military and successfully made it through his basi
c training. Everyone was so proud of him, my mother in law and I went to his ceremony to celeb
rate his completion. Prior to that my mother in law and his father had an argument. He got mad
that I was going to be there and that she was going with me instead of him. Even after that she
and I took the bus to the ceremony. Once the ceremony was done, I calmly joined my husband
and he introduced me to his friends. At the very end we decided to go back to Montreal and it
was at that moment it hit me, how much my father in law hated me. We were all outside and hi
s father went to retrieve his car once he came back he asked his wife to come, she looked and s
aid, “I will come, but what about her (my daughter in law)” and to that he responded, “Tell her
to take the taxi and you come with me.” At that moment, I tried to stay calm, my husband took
my hand and walked away. Aunty turned her back on him as well and walked away with us. I kn
ew then my husband would never let me go and that’s when I knew I’d give my life away for hi
m. Both, my husband and mother in law, tried to cheer me up but my heart was already broken
into a million pieces. Everyone else at the ceremony were joined by their family and went and
ate all together. While this barbaric man walked away on his son on such a special day, because
his girlfriend was dark.
I kept asking myself what have I done wrong aside from being born a Dark Sri Lankan wo
man? Why does someone have to hate me based on my color? I honestly never understood sin
ce he was plenty shades darker than me.
We eventually got married behind his back, we had dreams to have a nice big wedding b
ut because of that man, we only signed papers and made it official. We could not face those wh
o have spoken bad about me. That’s when my father-in-law, started mentally torturing aunty fo
r supporting us. For a very long time he hid himself in the room when I was over and one day he
started talking to me. Even after all he had done to me, I respected that man and treated him
well. Soon after he started acting as if he liked me and I didn’t mind since we were going to mov
e away from Montreal and start a new life.
After moving into our new apartment, my husband and I started our little adventure. W
e stayed in touch with everyone including his father. It was not too long after aunty revealed sh
e was mentally abused by him for supporting us. My father-in-law believed that his wife forced
my husband to marry me when he never loved me. We both were shocked, not knowing what t
o do for her as she has been dealing with the stress of it all for a very long time. We decided to
cut all means of communication with my father in law.
Few month after, I got pregnant and we announced the good news, and I insisted we tel
l his father. After all this time, even if I was hurt by my father-in-law, he is still my husband’s fat
her. Everyone around us was thrilled, while my father-in-law just said “oh that’s good” and cont
inued to ramble about his personal life. He did not talk to me to say his congratulations and onc
e again he hurt both of us. From that moment on we decided we would never keep in touch wit
Weeks after the big news I started having cramps, my husband took me to the emergen
cy to get checked out. Once the doctor became available, he began the procedure for an ultras
ound. During the screening, he noticed something was wrong, he couldn’t find my fetus. The do
ctor advised we stay the night and see the gynaecologist in the morning.
After I met with the gynaecologist, she did some more tests and the results were the sa
me. We came to find out I was having an ectopic pregnancy. This meant my fetus was growing i
n my fallopian tube instead of the womb. The fetus had grown big enough at this point, my tub
e could have exploded at anytime. The rupture would have caused me to internally bleed and di
e at any given moment. An immediate surgery had to be done to remove both my right fallopia
n tube and the fetus.
I broke down in tears. At that moment, I felt like my life was being taken away and I coul
d not watch my husband being hurt. I wiped my tears, and I took every bit of energy left in me a
nd I made myself strong for both of us. I’m losing my baby and my tube but I’m still young and h
ealthy and I wanted to live happily with my husband. I still have my left tube to conceive babies
in the future. I realized at that moment how lucky I was to have another chance to live. I could h
ave easily ignored the cramps and I could have lost my life leaving behind my husband and all th
ose people who loves me.
I accepted to proceed with the surgery. After 3 hours, I opened my eyes and my first que
stion to the nurse was if she could go find my husband and tell him I love him. She smiled at me
and kindly accepted my request. Few minutes later, I saw a beautiful man walking towards me a
nd that man was my husband. From that moment on he took care of me as a mother cares for h
er child. Once again I fell in love with him. It doesn’t matter if his father doesn’t like me because
I have an amazing husband and he’s all I need.
After all this, I would be lying if I said I didn’t think of suicide being a viable option in many occas
ions. The times when my father-in-law continuously played mind games, that mental abuse br
oke me and it only got worse especially in the time I needed the most support as I lost my child
along with my tube. It was a daily struggle waking up and getting out of bed to come to terms w
ith the harsh reality, but I didn’t want to be seen as a coward. I was lucky I had my husband by
my side, and I know a lot of people won’t have the same support that I am privileged to have. N
o matter what happens, I believe that when times do get hard , you shouldn’t give up.Your past
is your experience, the more you go through the stronger you get. I chose to go on with my life
because I wanted to prove to everyone that goes through a lot that killing yourself shouldn’t be
an option. Your life is much more valuable than you might think. Leaving loved ones behind bec
ause of someone or something that had happened to you, I think that would be selfish decision
. Everyone goes through their share of problems and obstacles, it’s how you chose to overcome
them that makes you who you are. It may be hard but it would be worth it to know you chose t
o go on and try to find happiness in the future. Hardships are not the only thing that composes
your life, you will have moments and memories of laughter and happiness as well. I know I need
to be persistent, and patient, all I hope is that everyone takes a moment and takes the hard tim
es as a blessing; for there will be something better waiting ahead.
As someone who went through my fair share of painful moments.. I’d like to tell you “Don’t give
up and start loving yourself before loving the one next to you and everything else will come in
Edited by Mila